Dear Leah,

When we first met my husband was really supportive of me and my dreams for the future. Now, it seems like everything I want to do is met with questions, and he points out anything that could go wrong. I don’t want to cause issues in our relationship, but I also want to have meaningful experiences in life. Do you have any advice for me?

— Torn in Two

 

Dear Torn,

Oh, if I had a nickel for every time I heard this from a spouse! Both men and women have struggled with the exact same issue you are facing.

It’s truly a growing experience to be in a relationship. At times, our growth will be limited because we have responsibilities and expectations in our relationship or working world that don’t align with our dreams.

However, I like to believe things happen when they should, if we are intentional and if we practice patience.

I know it may be hard, but my advice for you is to refrain from sharing all of your dreams with your husband, at least initially. In a new relationship, there are unlimited opportunities. But once you settle down together and create a life together, the dreams you have can cause concern or frustration — especially if your dreams create temporary financial instability such as changing jobs, going back to school or starting your own business.

It’s important for you to find friends or co-workers who can share your enthusiasm and help walk you through possible scenarios so you can be successful with any transitions you need to make.

If you would like to return to school or start a business, you should plan to meet with someone who can help you make financial projections so you don’t cause undue financial strain. You could make an appointment with a professional counselor to discuss your dreams and how you can be st present them to your husband and maintain enthusiasm, even as he states his concerns.

Life is about so much more than just getting by. Many times, we choose comfort over seeking out meaningful experiences, but this not only limits us personally — it limits us as a society. We need people who are engaged in something deeper to help define our future and encourage our children to recognize opportunity when it presents itself. You can be part of this by following your dreams.

You will face adversity; things will not always be easy — but you will find that your life will take on new meaning if you choose not to live in fear. It’s important to operate with a sense of hope and a sense of humor. I will leave you with this piece of advice from poet Dorothy Parker that always makes me smile and puts an extra bounce in my step:

“In youth, it was a way I had, to do my best to please. And change, with every passing lad, to suit his theories. But now I know the things I know and do the things I do. And if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!”

 

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.