Dear Leah,

Where do I go to find a good guy? I’m sick of dating jerks who are only interested in themselves. I want a long-term relationship with someone I love who will respect and love me back. Is that too much to ask?

— Fed up

 

Dear Fed up,

What you are asking for is really what we all deserve. However, many of us don’t know how to identify or, in your case, locate such a seemingly rare person.

Nice guys are out there, and they may be closer than you think. It’s never a bad idea to explore new venues. If you are frequenting the same bar or bowling alley looking for love and not finding it, then switch it up!

Instead of going to the bar on Friday, go fishing or hang out at the local pizza place with some friends — you’ll likely encounter a different crowd.

You may want to give online dating a try, especially if you live in a very small community where the pickings are slim. I’ve heard OkCupid is a great option and gives you a choice of who you are matched with.

People have such full lives these days between work, sports, friends and other hobbies that they don’t necessarily have time to spend every weekend looking for their match. You will likely be surprised at the quality people who choose to go online.

It’s a good idea to examine your priorities. Do you base your first dates on someone’s magnetism or his attractiveness? Do you ever look for deeper qualities? It can take time to really get to know someone, but it will be time well spent.

It can be fun to go on a lot of dates and have your adventures, but at a certain point, this gets exhausting. Some guys and girls like the chase and the variety of interactions with this approach.

If you’re looking for something more serious, invest in being intentional about who you want to be around and what you want in a relationship. If your intentions are superficial, you’re likely to end up with someone who is self-serving.

Another option people don’t always consider is to try volunteering. There are a lot of great guys who choose to give back to their communities. Some good friends of mine met on a Habitat for Humanities trip, fell in love and are still together, supporting each other and dreaming of the future.

If he’s willing to share his talents and heart with others, just think of the treasures he will bestow on you! (I’m talking about kindness, empathy and unconditional love)

One of the best ways to find “the one” is to stop looking and just live and enjoy your life! Don’t waste your time on jerks — find yourself first and you will find each other.

 

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.