You shouldn’t ‘look’ for love; just be open to it

Published 2:07 pm Saturday, June 13, 2015

Dear Leah,

My last relationship was great, and we ended things in a positive way. I am a single parent and am really busy in my career and community. I’m not interested in introducing anyone new to my children unless I know the relationship is going to lead somewhere. Marriage, maybe? I’d like to find love again, but I’m not quite sure I have the time or energy to commit to a full-fledged relationship. I’m not even sure I have the time to find someone to date! I’ve poked around on Internet dating sites, but have lost interest very quickly. I need some advice! What do I do with this feeling?

Signed, Adrift in Albert Lea

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Dear Adrift,

I won’t give you the usual cliché advice of “you will find love when you stop looking for it,” because I don’t believe that’s true. I am of the inclination we don’t “find love.” True love finds us.

I believe we should not be “looking” for love, but rather be open to the experience. And there are a lot of things you can do to make sure you are truly open.

Focus on your children. Are they ready to move on? What do they need to heal from this experience? If they’re not ready, don’t fret. Children are very resilient, and with your sincere time and energy, they will be open to love again.

Do some soul searching and be sure you have truly moved on from your last relationship. And maybe even the one before that! Forgive what needs forgiving, yourself and others.

Rearrange your living space, open the windows, donate all the stuff you don’t need taking up space in your life and breathe in the fresh air! The idea here is to be open, creating space in your heart and mind for something better.

Don’t clutter up your life with meaningless experiences, like Internet dating sites. Sure, Internet dating is a fun way to communicate and get attention. It seems harmless. But if you are seeking something more meaningful, chatting online is really just taking up space. There is a reason you lost interest so quickly, and it’s a good thing you did!

Our community has many volunteer opportunities, from Lake cleanup, reading to kids at the library, coaching, working with seniors and everything in-between. If you are sporty, join a summer team! Parks & Rec has some great co-ed opportunities for adults to be active and have fun.

I’d urge you to put down your electronic device, get out, and do the things that mean the most to you. That’s where you’re going to find a partner with similar interests and values. And when you meet someone, great! It’s OK to go on a few light-hearted dates and get to know people. The kind of relationship you are seeking will grow naturally. You won’t need to force or push.


Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at