Dear Leah,

My boyfriend hates my tattoos. Especially the one with my ex-husbands name in a heart. I love my tattoos because they represent my experiences, and I’ve even offered to get a new one with his name but he doesn’t like that idea either.

This really hurts my feelings because it seems like he doesn’t appreciate my past or want a future with me. How do I make him love me?

Signed, Inked

 

Dear Inked,

Let’s get something straight. You can’t make someone love you. You sound very troubled, and a little foolish. Why in the world would you offer to tattoo the name of a man on your body that you suspect doesn’t even want to be a part of your future?

To me, that is on par with having a baby to or getting married to “save the relationship.” Just not OK. And it will not solve any of the issues that are happening not only with this guy, but also inside of you.

You are making decisions that will stick with you for the rest of your life out of desperation and insecurity. Why are you feeling so desperate for love?

Is there some healing that needs to be done from your previous marriage? Do you like yourself? Your job and your home? Do you have children?

Divorce can be a devastating, traumatic experience. It is possible to completely lose yourself in a marriage, and when it ends, you are left starting from scratch emotionally and financially.

I think what this really comes down to is you. Figure out what you want in your life and find it. Do it for you. Not for some guy or some relationship, but for yourself. As you get to know yourself again you will have new experiences — experiences worthy of carrying forever in ink. Take care.

 

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.