The Nice Advice by Leah Albert

Dear Leah,

My boyfriend has occasionally smoked marijuana, but lately he’s been using it more and more. I don’t do drugs and I don’t like to be around him when he does them. He usually hangs out with his friends when he smokes, but he’s been bringing things over to my apartment lately and I just don’t feel comfortable — I also hate how it smells. How do I talk to him about my concerns now, and what do I do if he doesn’t stop?

— Smoky Situation

 

Dear Smoky Situation,

It seems as though, with the legalization of medical marijuana, smoking marijuana is becoming more socially acceptable. However, this does not mean that you must accept his behavior or allow him to smoke around you. Though there are conflicting reports about whether marijuana smoke is as harmful as cigarette smoke, you have a right to care about your health and well-being, and your boyfriend should care about your health and well-being, too.

It’s unfortunate that your boyfriend seems to be relying on marijuana more than he used to. Have you noticed anything else that has changed in his life recently, which may be causing extra stress or agitation? Have his friendships changed? Marijuana, like alcohol and tobacco, is often used to self-medicate.

If he insists on having it with him at all times, he may be struggling with something on a deeper level, especially since it is still illegal to carry and consume marijuana in the state of Minnesota. He’s taking risks to ensure continual access, and this is a sign of a full-blown addiction.

Addiction experts will often say that you know someone is addicted when the decisions they make revolve around the drug they are consuming. For example, if you tell your boyfriend he can’t bring marijuana over to your apartment anymore, and he chooses to no longer visit you, the drug is the decisive factor.

Most workplaces do not allow drug use and, depending on your age, it can impact scholarships and opportunities for education. These are limitations he is accepting with the choices he is making.

When we are in a relationship with someone, the choices they make do impact us, especially if it ends up being a long-term relationship. If you are serious about your boyfriend, I would recommend you talk to a professional about signs of addiction and how to work with him to get help.

 

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.