Live United by Ann Austin

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and this past Thursday was the annual candlelight vigil. The vigil is a time when our neighbors gather to remember victims of domestic violence and become better educated about how domestic violence impacts our greater community.

We all know someone who struggles with a physical illness — and it’s just as likely that we know someone who is struggling with domestic violence — the problem is that people don’t talk about it, and we don’t often know what to look for.

According to the Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women, nationally one in four women have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner while one in seven men experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner.

It’s more common than we all know. So, why doesn’t anyone talk about it?

Often, domestic violence is minimized — either by the people in the relationship, the community or through images/messages that we all encounter in the media. Rather than focus on healthy relationships focused on mutual respect, there is a predominance of power and control. Drama does not equal romance. When someone is constantly jealous — it doesn’t mean they are in love. When someone is being controlling, it doesn’t indicate they care.

These are some of the red flags. These behaviors are not healthy, and we should be asking questions or offering support and compassion. If we see people behaving in such ways, we should hold them accountable and not dismiss it or laugh if off or rationalize it. We need to hold people accountable if they are behaving in violent or unhealthy ways. Domestic violence is just as damaging to our community as a deadly virus that is contagious.

So what do we do as a community?

We need to educate ourselves and educate others — we need to create a safe space for people who are in unhealthy relationships, so they may get the support they need to leave. We need to talk to each other.

A wise person said to me recently, “When a community is talking, it takes away the darkness that domestic violence thrives on.”

Often people who are living with domestic violence are isolated — and they have intentionally been isolated as a means of control. We need to reach out to each other. Where there is less isolation, there is less fear — people start to recognize there is hope for their future.

I’m going to close with some intentions I read during the vigil — they came to me from conversations I’ve had with others. There are so many people who are trying to create a safer community. It’s up to each of us to act every day to change the conditions in our world — and we can.

Let us set these intentions for our community:

• Let us choose hope; for ourselves and for others

• Let us choose to create a world where our children are safe

• Let us choose to help bring people out of isolation

• Let us embrace true freedom, so all individuals may find their own path in life

• Let us choose, every day, to treat others (and ourselves) with compassion and kindness

Our intentions change our actions — let us be good to one another.

LIVE UNITED.

 

Ann Austin is the executive director of the United Way of Freeborn County.