“I think I’d make a great surgeon, or at least a top-notch washer repairer,” I told my wife after successfully repairing the washing machine. It was a task I had never attempted before, but thanks to the Internet, I can successful claim competence in a very specific washing machine fix.

Just a few days ago I did a load of laundry and found the clothes soaking wet after hearing the rather annoying buzzer go off, signalling the cycle was complete. My ignorance took over, and I simply moved them to the dryer anyway, figuring that the odd problem would be solved with a dryer in high mode. Two additional dryer runs later, and we had perfectly acceptable clothes to fold and hang in the closet.

At first I forgot about the wet-clothes incident, so when I returned to do another load, I was disappointed to see the machine had failed me again. When I noticed an error code of “OE” displaying, I thought this could be worse than simply soaking wet clothes. Once again I let my ignorance lead the way and assumed OE meant “over exerted,” so I removed a larger sweatshirt or two and ran the machine again. That had to do the trick, right?

Of course it didn’t, and this time the clothes being washed were needed rather quickly. Sera taught me the ancient art of hand-wringing clothes over the sink, and then the dryer did the rest. Her trick was effective, but not something I planned on doing for the rest of our clothes-washing lives. I needed to fix this problem, and fix it fast. Though our baby girl has yet to make an appearance, I’m certain a functioning washing machine will be required; no matter how clean I try to keep her.

Thus began more foray into the deepest, darkest places of the washing machine. Rather quickly into this journey I learned that “OE” means the washer isn’t draining properly. That fact was already apparent. Determining what the cause of the draining problem meant a little more research was required. Two scenarios were presented to me from the manufacturer’s website. One, there is a kink in the drain hose. All I had to do was look behind the machine and see if the drain hose was kinked, unkink it and run the machine again. Simple, except that wasn’t the problem at all. I’d actually wage I’ve never seen a hose less kinked than the drain hose coming out of my washing machine. The second scenario seemed unfortunately more likely. I had a clogged drain pump filter. This was a multi-step fix, and might be something I’d need to call a professional in to do.

After spending a solid two minutes searching the sides and back for where the filter’s cover was, I gave up and admitted defeat. In that great moment of weakness, at one of my darker hours, I found the cover on the front of the machine.

The next half hour was spent draining the water in the base of the machine into a cookie tray, dumping that water into a bowl, and pouring that water down the bathroom sink drain. Finally the tap ran dry, and I could disassemble the machine causing me so much grief. I didn’t know what to expect, but it wasn’t what I found.

Gunk. Black, wet, gross gunk with hair and thread and goo wrapped inside and around the filter. Within that gunk was a large M&M wrapper (surprisingly, not mine), part of a pen and the plastic holder for a box cutter. That last one was quite the shocker, as I have no clue what hole it could have fit through to end up inside the drain filter.

While putting the cleaned filter back in place, I saw a final alien object stuck deep within the machine. Half hoping it was some part of the washer that purposefully looked like it didn’t belong, I nudged it with the hopes of it being attached. That nudge clearly revealed the barrel of a pen. At this point I hate this pen and the previous owners of this machine, as this item is also not from the pockets of myself or my wife.

An hour later of battling the pen with an uncoiled wire hanger, it was pulled free and the machine was restored to its glory days. I received no prize or medal of honor, but the confidence of fixing the washing machine was enough glory to carry me through the rest of the day. If you’ve got a non-emergency washing machine problem and want someone to overconfidently attempt to fix it, give me a call. I’ll be waiting for your call as I fold these perfectly dry clothes.

 

Rochester resident Matt Knutson is the communications and events director for United Way of Olmsted County.