“I never want to use a suitcase again,” I told Sera after loading our luggage into the back of the SUV for hopefully the last time of this pregnancy. Several weeks ago my wife was almost induced, and ever since that day, we’ve been repacking the suitcase each morning and unpacking each night, as the baby could come at any moment.

It wasn’t the repacking that bothered me, but carrying it down the stairs, loading it into the car and then realizing at the end of the day that it was all for naught. This suitcase was literally dragging me down. Patience is a blessing, and something we’ve both begun to run low on.

I suppose few people enjoy the process of waiting, but relief certainly comes. There’s a lot of waiting currently going on in all of our lives. I look at the snow falling outside my window and wait for it to subside so I can shovel. The relief from that wait can hold off for a bit longer. As a country, we’re waiting for the primaries and elections to conclude so we can have a clearer vision for the direction our nation is heading. Meanwhile, Sera and I are in the throws of waiting for this baby girl to arrive. Sometimes it seems like the election might come before my daughter arrives.

Weeks ago, when we first heard the words, “looks like we’ll be inducing you today,” a bit of shock ran through my system. Sera recalls me turning white as I quickly tried to hide my moment of panic and be supportive of her in whatever way I possibly could. For future fathers out there, that meant holding her hand, as that was about all I could do. Eventually the doctors backed off of this induction, but it did do its job of making us prepared for this baby to arrive at any moment.

Knowing we were so close to holding our daughter meant each day seemed to drag longer and longer. The last few weeks, though good for the baby’s development, have seemed to be the longest of our lives. The doctors scheduled an actual induction recently, leading us to set up camp at the hospital and wait some more for this little girl. Even then, she decided it was not time and we were sent home to continue to wait.

Now, many hours into labor, we wait even more for this girl to make her appearance. Disillusioned thoughts cross my mind. Is she real? Is this all some elaborate prank? Why in the world would she stay in there this long when we’re telling her to come out? Is this a sign she’ll be a disobedient daughter? My mind recalls our first ultrasound where she was described as a tease and spicy, and I fear the accuracy in those words.

I’m sure we won’t be breaking any records for longest labor, but we have to be somewhere near the top. I’m saying that as the dad; I can’t imagine how Sera’s feeling through all of this.

That suitcase, which had previously sat unused in a closet for months (if not years), had never seen more use being loaded in and out of the house and car, but also had never been more useless. Who needs baby accessories and a change of clothes when you’re once again sleeping in your own bed at night and there’s no screaming, beautiful daughter to wake you up? Hopefully whatever you’re waiting for will soon come to pass. Until then, just remind yourself that eventually, your suitcase will be needed. The wait will be worth it, eventually.

 

Rochester resident Matt Knutson is the communications and events director for United Way of Olmsted County.