“Do you remember any of the advice on love we got before we got married?” I asked my wife, knowing Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. I asked a similar question to my friends on Facebook to see what love advice they would share with me and anyone else who happens to be my friend. The results varied but served as a good reminder of the importance of celebrating love.

I was inspired to ask my friends to share after reading in The Washington Post about John and Ann Betar, the “longest married couple” who will be giving advice on love, life and relationships on Valentine’s Day. The couple has been married for 83 years (that’s only 81 more years than Sera and I), and are blessed with 14 grandchildren and 16 great-grandchildren. Partnering with Handy.com, the couple will be taking questions via Twitter through Feb. 13 and answering them on Valentine’s Day. You can get in on the fun by tweeting your question to @Handy and using #LongestLove. I look forward to checking in on Sunday to see their answers to some undoubtedly great questions.

In the meantime, I thought I’d share some of the wisdom my friends on Facebook imparted to me. It’s important to note that none of these people are love professionals, and they’ve all experienced love in vastly different ways. Hopefully you’ll find something that will inspire you more than a box of chocolates and flowers.

“You might ‘fall in love,’ but after that, you choose to love. Every day, choose to love. Choose your significant other.”

It’s so easy to choose something else after we’ve had it for awhile. Who eats the same foods every day? Who wears the same clothes? In love, choosing your partner repeatedly is a reminder of your commitment, your dedication each other. When I choose Sera every day, I’m recalling that our wedding day wasn’t the only day I made a commitment to her.

“Hold out for the real deal. There’s lots of fake stuff out there, but the love you really need is out there and is worth waiting for!”

I feel like there are people out there who settle for Valentine’s Day, thinking that some date is surely better than no date. I’d encourage these people to take this quote to heart. I spent many Valentine’s Days alone, and it was fine. There are plenty of other people out there alone on Valentine’s Day, too. You are enough for you; you don’t need someone else to complete you. Holding out for the real deal will save yourself a lot of unnecessary heartbreak.

“Love changes even as it stays the same. Love has deepened, or morphed, or evolved in response to life circumstances, even as it has remained reliably the same. Like a skyscraper built to sustain high winds, the building sways up to two feet at the top and yet at the bottom it says in place without any movement.”

Acknowledging that love changes is important. There’s no way I could love Sera the same way I loved her on our wedding day — we’ve been through too much for that not to have changed. That doesn’t mean our love has weakened; in fact, it’s quite the opposite. I recall someone on our wedding day hoping for us that it would be the day we loved each other the least. I now have the same hope for all newlyweds we meet.

“Knowing someone loves you and hearing it are very different things. Make a point to say I love you.”

I waited an awfully long time to tell Sera I loved her when we dated. I was afraid that if I said it and later changed my mind, that I’d be committing a terrible lie. Now it’s easy to say I love her, and we say it to each other often. Take note of one of my favorite quotes though: The wonderful song “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol, “Those three words are said too much, they’re not enough.” It’s important to share what you love about someone. This Valentine’s Day, go beyond the three words and share the specifics of why you love who you love.

Of course the sage love advice Sera recalled from our wedding was, “Always remember you’re on the same team.” While relevant in our early married years, I think it’s becoming even more important now that we have baby Gracelyn. Her diapers alone are enough to divide a household. I think I’ll be celebrating Cupid this year by taking on a few extra diaper shifts.

 

Rochester resident Matt Knutson is the communications and events director for United Way of Olmsted County.