The Nice Advice by Leah Albert

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.

 

Dear Leah, 

My brother and I are in our 50s. I have four children aged 18 to 26. He married late in life and has two children aged 5 and 6. My son (18) babysits them frequently. My problem is that whenever we have family functions (a couple of times a month with about 20 people) my brother will seat his kids with my son, then he and his wife move away and sit elsewhere. 

Once they have been left with him they seem oblivious to anything their kids are doing. My nephew is a little escape artist who likes to explore and get into things. My brother does not bring toys, books or anything else to help them entertain themselves. This happens at homes and at restaurants. 

My son is not paid to care for them at family events. He loves them and would certainly spend time with them but he would like to be able to visit with other family members, too. He does not feel it should be his responsibility to keep them occupied and out of trouble. 

My brother and his wife tend to be a bit sensitive about their parenting. Any suggestions on how to bring this up or what to say? If my son is not around they do the same thing to one of my daughters.

Signed, Fed Up

 

Dear Fed Up,

Your brother and his wife probably welcome the chance for a break from keeping a close eye on their children when they go to family events. Since your son babysits for the children, they know how responsible he is and how close he is to them. However, I don’t think it’s fair that they expect him to play that role during family functions.

If your son feels that he is being taken advantage of, he should be the one to speak up assertively to his uncle. (And your daughters can do the same when they find themselves in a similar situation.) He can explain that while he enjoys spending time with the children, he would also like to be able to visit with other relatives during these get-togethers.

When the next occasion occurs, bring a couple of toys or books to give to the children, a way to show your brother that you care about his kids and to role model what he should be doing at large family events. Take care!

Signed, Leah