The Nice Advice by Leah Albert

Dear Leah,

I’m having big issues with my self-esteem. I just turned 15 and I’m kind of confused about a few things. When I look in the mirror or at photos, I think I look ugly. Well, I am ugly, but so many people have randomly said how stunning I am when obviously I’m not. 

Why do I look so different in the mirror and photos if I generally am pretty? I go to counseling, which I’ve been doing for a few years, but I haven’t really gotten much out of it. It sounds like a silly question, but it’s just confusing. 

I’m at this stage in my life where I would love to have a boyfriend, but I know I’ll never have one, and it’s just hard going out with my friends, who are all beautiful, always getting attention from boys or are out with their boyfriends. 

I try so many different things to make myself look more approachable and attractive — buying expensive make up and designer clothes, etc., and nothing seems to be working. I’m just so depressed because I hate myself so much, and if I’m honest I’m really stuck about what to do from here onward. But I have to admit sometimes I’ve looked in the mirror at home and thought I actually looked nice, then I would go out and realize how bad I really looked! I just really need help. I’m confused.

Signed, Ugly Duckling

 

Dear Duckling,

It sounds like the problem is not your appearance but the way you see yourself. If even you admit that sometimes you look nice, you need to focus on improving your self-image rather than spending money on expensive makeup and clothing.

Since you’re already seeing a counselor, describe to them what you’ve told me. If you feel that your therapist does not understand what you’re going through and is really not helping, it might be time to find someone else, maybe someone who specializes in “body dysmorphic” issues, which are related to a preoccupation with perceived physical flaws.

While you’re getting that help, you might consider doing volunteer work that encourages you to focus on helping others rather than constantly scrutinizing your appearance. In addition to the good feeling you’ll get from helping others, you’re also giving yourself an opportunity to meet new people.

Remember, duckling, confidence comes with hard work and experience. Build yourself up from the inside out, and you will see a swan. Take care.

Leah

 

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.