The Nice Advice by Leah Albert

Dear Leah,

I had my son when I was 18 and found it really hard to find other “mommy friends,” as they were a lot older than me. I have to admit, I didn’t try very hard. I would go up to a few people, have a few words then slowly back away after the conversation went dead. 

All of my friends work and, although they adore my son, they have no time for us and I see them very rarely. My son is now 16 months old and I’ve felt so lonely for so long, I just don’t know what to do! I started going to baby groups more regularly, and going to the park to basically friend hunt! But I had no luck. 

Now I’ve started my new job and, although that takes up almost all my time, I still feel like I have no friends. I think it’s because I left school and was texting my friends 24/7, meeting up, going out, and then suddenly I’m not talking to anyone at all; I feel completely alone. What should I do? I work 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. every day apart from Saturday, Sunday and Monday, but is it possible or even worth it to find friends for three days?

Signed, Lonely

 

Dear Lonely,

Whether you see your friends once a day, three times a week or two times a year, what counts is the kind of relationships you have with them.

Since you are now working, figure out whether any co-workers have children about your son’s age who live relatively close by, and then make an effort to befriend them. You could suggest a play date for the four of you — either at your house or at a nearby park. You don’t need many friends to stop feeling lonely; just one or two would make your life richer and more fun. If you can’t find another young mother at work, try story time at the library or a parenting class at a community center — any place that caters to parents and their young children.

Try not to focus on finding a BFF, but rather someone you can talk and laugh with and who understands what it means to be responsible for a toddler. Give new acquaintances a chance to develop into friends; it takes time.

Take care!

Leah

 

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.