The Nice Advice, By Leah Albert

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.

Dear Leah,

My 13-year-old daughter keeps getting caught doing random things, like stealing $3 out of our change bucket, eating food she’s not supposed to or taking my jewelry, and when asked why she does these things she says she doesn’t know.

All of these things happen when she is home alone, which she is every day after school. She gets really upset and says she doesn’t know why she does these things and she hates making us upset and that she does these things without thinking about the consequences.

Does she really not know why she does these impulsive actions?

Signed, Confused

Dear Confused,

Your daughter’s actions don’t really sound impulsive since, at least for some of these things, she could have undone them while home alone — like putting the money back in the change bucket or returning your jewelry.

Perhaps she is anxious about being alone after school or she wants your attention. Have you considered connecting with neighbors or relatives in your area? After school or extra-curricular activities? While your daughter may have outgrown the childcare resources available, it seems she might do well being in an engaging and social situation after school rather than being left alone.

She might not be totally aware of what’s driving her actions, but she has had enough experience with the consequences (both of you getting upset) that she can predict what will happen when she engages in inappropriate behavior.

If you’ve tried to get her to talk about her thoughts and feelings and are not able to get her to really open up, consider having her see a counselor who can work with both of you to figure out not just why your daughter is acting the way she is but also to help her cope better with stress. Take care!

Leah