Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.

Dear Leah,

My 21-year-old granddaughter and 18-month great-grandson have moved in with me and she refuses to follow any rules. She says she is “not going to kiss my a–.” I have asked her to leave and she refuses. She says I will have to evict her. In Minnesota it is hard to evict someone residing in your home.

She is verbally abusive to me and in return I am to her. I am a nervous wreck — eating Xanax daily. I am 64 years old and need to worry about my health. I am also concerned about the well-being of my great-grandson if they do leave. How do I handle this?

Signed, Constant Concern

Dear Constant,

You should not have to put up with a disrespectful adult granddaughter, particularly one who lives in your house with her own child.

While it is understandable that you return her abuse with your own forms of abuse, that is a dangerous pattern. The best time to talk is when both of you are calm and can actually sit down to work out a compromise in terms of rules.

You need to look at your granddaughter as an adult, and she needs to recognize that she is living in your house. If talking doesn’t work, you may need to seek out help from other people and agencies. Are your granddaughter’s parents available to talk with her, to explain the impact of her behavior on your physical and emotional health?

If so, talk to them immediately. If not, do research to find out what kinds of local social service agencies might be able to help you. For instance, many towns have agencies that support people who are considered senior citizens, and you may qualify for their assistance.

Your doctor might also be able to refer you to sources of help. Clearly, your situation is one that has to change, and the sooner the better. Take care.

Leah