The Nice Advice by Leah Albert

Dear Leah,

My daughter has just turned 13, and we recently moved to a new area, therefore a new school for her. She is struggling to find friends, and a few kids are bullying her and calling her awful names. She has become withdrawn, angry, lazy and will not talk to me anymore.

Her brother, age 16, has settled in great. I have spoken to school administrators who are not helping and actually insinuating that my daughter is “making things up.” I can see the effect this is all having on her, and I am emotionally tired.

I am frustrated with her as I try to help, and she gets angry with me. I don’t know what to do!

Signed, Miffed Mom

Dear Mom,

Moving is hard on everyone, but particularly on young adolescents who are trying to figure out how they fit in. My advice is to use two different strategies in handling this situation.

One is to go back to the school — maybe talking to another administrator — explaining your concern about your daughter. Find out what kinds of supports they may have available for a student having trouble adjusting to a new environment and dealing with bullies.

The second strategy is to help your daughter by working with her to develop techniques for dealing with bullies. Actions she might take range from speaking in an assertive way to ignoring hostile comments. Encourage her to invite one or two classmates over to your house for a fun activity.

Keep in mind that your daughter gets angry with you because it’s a safe way to act out her frustration and stress. No matter how emotionally drained you are — from the move and your daughter’s challenges — you are the parent. Find support for yourself from close friends or family members so you can continue to help your daughter make a positive adjustment to her new environment.

Take care!

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.