Things I Tell My Wife by Matt Knutson

“There’s no way our daughter is deaf,” I reassured Sera as we sat in a dimly lit room while they tested our Gracelyn’s hearing. I was sitting in a comfortable recliner while Sera sat with Gracelyn at a desk in the middle of the room. Slowly, the medical professional would play a series of faint sounds from various speakers strategically placed throughout the room. Occasionally a television would flicker on in conjunction with the audio. Gracelyn didn’t appear to respond to the audio at all.

It was in the brief moment between when the test was over and the test administrator entered our room that Sera confessed her fear: that Gracelyn couldn’t hear. That fear was completely unfounded of course, as our 10-month-old literally dances when we sing the alphabet song to her. She cries when a loud noise suddenly startles her. I’m not sure why she decided to ignore the sounds in that testing room, but I had plenty of evidence to demonstrate my wife was worrying a little too much.

Not too many little ones are subject to the hearing test Gracelyn had a few days ago, but our doctors thought it was a good idea after she had tubes put in several weeks ago. The procedure went fine and so did the recovery. These last weeks have been the healthiest our daughter has been in a long time. It’s odd saying that, as she still has a cold and bad cough even as I’m writing this, but the fact that her ears are not infected for possibly the first time in over half of her short life means that she’s a much happier child. We all want much happier children.

In the time following Gracelyn’s tubes being inserted, she’s begun to rapidly progress. Her balance is strengthened and first steps are beginning. Her speech has greatly evolved from a never-ending stream of “dada” to many basic consonant and vowel combinations, including, finally, “mama.” It was a fascinating lesson on how interconnected the human body is with itself. Certainly Gracelyn’s progress could certainly have been on track to achieve these milestones anyway, but I personally think the tubes put her on a path where she could be better balanced and finally hear herself speak without impediments.

When the doctor came in to share the results of the test, both Sera and I were a bit perplexed that she was able to conclude that Gracelyn seemed to be hearing just fine. Apparently our daughter has mastered the art of being subtle because we certainly didn’t think she gave any indication that she was hearing a thing in that testing room. They followed up the initial test with one where a device was placed inside her ear to take measurements of some sort. These measurements aligned perfectly with what the other test had concluded, so we were in the clear from all perspectives. 

I never doubted Gracelyn’s ability to hear, but it did feel good to have it confirmed that she wasn’t showing any noticeable hearing loss. The fear we build up when we worry is such an unnecessary burden, but it’s a burden many of us can’t put down without being reminded of the truth.

There are a lot of great resources out there for how to deal with worrying. A quick search online will point you to tons of tips that can help alleviate your fears, but what I think is most helpful is talking to someone about it. The power that comes with confiding in another person often wipes away any irrationally worrying quickly. Speaking your truth and letting go what is far from reality is important for all of us to do. Leading up to the new year, now is a great time to acknowledge your fears and worries. Perhaps that’s how you’ll craft a new year’s resolution this year.

Rochester resident Matt Knutson is the communications and events director for United Way of Olmsted County.