EN(dur)ANCE by Robin Gudal

 

Today is day two.

Yesterday I sat for three hours at my desk, in front of a semi-clean window looking out to the horse pasture. Just beyond that, the field in all its glory of fall colors and majesty. I had set aside a few hours to write, however, I was blank. Nothing. Nada. Empty. No thoughts, wisdom or insight.

I had chuckled with the concept of being blank. I was hopeful maybe it was a moment of writer’s block, deciding that would be a sign that I truly could be a serious writer. After all, a novice wouldn’t hit the wall with no words to pen in only a handful of months. Then an additional chuckle fell upon me as I realized the humor of me being without thoughts or words.

Today I opened the document to finish the last line and it was gone, all but the title, gone! Next, my mouse for the computer, which I rely on, decided to take a break. Now my navigation between pages seems slower, less comfortable. I am a bit, well … I am pondering. In addition, my notes seem to have vanished, not in the recycling bin where they should be, gone. First blank thoughts and then literally blank; all the insights I did arise gone. Empty. It is easy in life, moments such as these, to get discouraged, to give up.

I shall start again. 

Yesterday did produce something. After the nothing, nada and emptiness I did persevere through and I was pleased at the end of my 450-plus words. This will not be a replica, however; my thoughts have changed, increased, matured.

Nothing. Nada. Empty. That is who I am.

I don’t want to be, yet I am.

Why?

Because as a Christian, that uncomfortable space is exactly where Christ wants me to be. Every day. Every moment. If I can’t rely on me, then who will I rely on?

Elisa Morgan, author of “The Beauty of Brokenness” and founder of the organizations MOPS International, has a quote I lean into and find encouragement from.

“Broken is right where God wants us, and right where He can powerfully reassemble us.”

I would like to take a liberty and expand her

idea, to use the word empty vs. broken. Empty is right where God wants us, and right where he can powerfully reassemble us.

“You know that from your empty way of life inherited from your ancestors you were ransomed — not by perishable things like silver or gold, but by precious blood like that of an unblemished and spotless lamb, namely Christ.” 1 Peter 1:18-19 New English Translation

John 3:16 (NIV) reminds us of a message void of nothing; it is abundant!

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

I challenge you as myself to walk forward in fullness, to be empty daily of us. Instead, be consumed by Christ’s love, his peace, his compassion, his words, his spirit, his power and to desire to be in his likeness in all our ways.

Robin (Beckman) Gudal, intentional in life, is a wife, momma, nana, friend, and a flawed and imperfect follower of Jesus.