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Live United by Erin Haag

When my son was about 3, he saw a black cat dart across the road and into the tall grasses. He asked me, “Mama, what if I was lost in the grass and when you came to me, you didn’t know who I was?” I told him, “Well, that would be a little sad, but I bet I would fall in love with you right away.” “Yeah, mommy, I bet your mommy heart would see me, and love me, and my heart would see your mommy heart and love you.”

There’s a mama with grown children that comes to shop at the pantry. She shops by proxy for her children, trying to be the best mama and grandma she knows how, supporting them. As Nikolle greeted her, we both realized something wasn’t right. Nikolle pulled her out the door to give her as much privacy as possible. I watched through the window as she hugged Nikolle and cried. Later, as she finished up shopping, she turned to me but didn’t seem to know what to say. I asked her, “can I give you a hug?” She nodded, and I wrapped her up and told her, “I don’t know what it is, but we’re thinking of you.” She cried a little more and nodded into my shoulder. Later Nikolle told me, “her mom died today.”

A new shopper came this week. She came with her little boy, her little girl and her newborn baby. Newborn baby girl came very suddenly, and apparently some things were very unexpected. She had been referred by WIC. I provided her with a diaper pack and asked what she needed. She wasn’t sure, but she did mention bedding. I had just brought in beautiful handmade quilts from a local church quilting group. The little girl was around 4, and her face glowed as she attempted to carry her new flannel quilt with pinks and purples. Her big brother carried his favorite color of blue in his coverlet. Mama made it through, with a little extra support from us, because she was deep into the “just had a baby” mode, and it was difficult to process and make decisions. At the end, she took a deep breath and looked at me and said, “yeah … it’s been a lot.” I offered a hug, and she took it. She has homework to do in figuring out her needs, and we’ll connect later in the week.

A county social worker and friend stopped by to support a client. As she was waiting, she looked at me as I had just come out of an emotional meeting. She offered me a hug, and I gladly accepted it. It was a deep, intentional hug. It grounded me and helped me refocus.

There’s a few things that have absorbed into me in thinking about all the hugs this week. The first was thinking back to my little boy seeing my mama heart. I thought about the brand of mothering that Nikolle and I bring to our work. We fuss over our volunteers, feed them every chance we get and check in on them. We do the same with our shoppers. We listen to their stories, and our mama hearts see the other mama hearts, and we dole out hugs and compassion. It’s more than coming for food. It’s coming for food, with a dose of connection after a hard day.

While our mothering is instinctive, and that’s the terms I use to describe this, it’s truly not just mothers. It’s not just parents either. It’s humankind. There’s our volunteer who is in and out, having taken all three of us under his wing. He digs into the work, but he also has become almost a father figure to us. Another volunteer has recently started. He doesn’t speak English but walked in one day to help. He is the embodiment of his culture, protective of the women, and by golly, he’s not going to allow us to lift anything. He will physically take things out of our hands to take care of it for us. Another volunteer rides his bike, and recently brought his neighbor in a wheelchair, carefully biking his neighbor’s groceries home. A grandmother shops at the same time as another family. They come about once a month. I watched the shy toddler run up to her and give her a hug, and they spent their time looking at a book together.

We’re a safe place. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows, and heartwarming stories. Sometimes there is entitlement, rudeness and frustrations. This week was a strong reminder that we accomplished what we set out to do. If someone can come on their hard days, that’s a win for us. The “Welcome Pantry” was named for that exact reason — to truly create that welcoming experience. Daily, I see our volunteers and shoppers offer each other the same compassion, the same human connection. Sometimes people don’t say “I love you.” They say, “Be safe.” “Let me carry that for you.” “Did you get enough?” or even just,”How are you today?” and “Can I give you a hug?”

If our safe place is calling to you, we welcome you to come and see us in person. On Nov. 18 from 3 to 7 p.m., we’re inviting the community to come and “Fall In Love with United Way.”

We’re going to show off our space, volunteers will be there to talk about what they do and how you can join them, have learning stations about our programs and a silent auction to help raise funds for the 18 programs United Way supports. Half are ours, like the Winter Gear Drive and Welcome Pantry, and the other half are the programs supported through our Community Impact Grants. It’s a great opportunity to see in person the things I write about, turn in a pledge card in person, and maybe even give a hug or two. Questions? Give us a call at 507-373-8670.

Erin Haag is the executive director of the United Way of Freeborn County.