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Live United by Erin Haag

This year, I’m writing from a room that’s full of family. I’ve spent time with my children, soaking in the sweetness of these in-between years. These are the years when they want more independence and privacy, yet they still come in late at night to snuggle in our bed. As I enjoy this family time, this sweetness, the grandkids running back and forth between the grandmas that live across the street from each other, meeting the tri-colored kitty that joined the family, I also think about a few others.

A nonprofit executive director came to see me, needing a sounding board. It’s a piece of my job that I think is critical and that I’m honored to do each time I’m asked. I lay it out for them whenever there’s a new program coordinator or executive director. I’m their safe place. I’m their sounding board. You can vent to me, complain about your boss, board of directors or co-workers, or work your way through a particularly challenging problem, and I’ll offer support however I can. I make the boundaries clear — if something is unethical, dangerous or harmful, I have a duty to report it. I also let them know that this stays between us. I don’t report to their boss; it doesn’t impact grant funding. I am a leader that is there to support you in being a leader.

This past spring, the Surgeon General issued an 80-page advisory on the Loneliness Epidemic. We’ve seen the headlines; we’ve heard the sound bites. I’ve heard and seen people nod their heads and echo the sentiment. I’m not sure that our community realizes just how critical this is. Our local Community Needs Assessment doesn’t name this as a top need, a top public health crisis. Maybe it doesn’t apply to us, maybe it’s there, but it’s reserved for seniors, for people struggling with mental health, for others.

The facts are laid out in this advisory very clearly. Loneliness is more dangerous to us than obesity. More dangerous than diabetes and smoking. It has an impact on every area of our health. Even further, it has an impact on our community as a whole: public policy, societal norms and economic prosperity. It’s worth noting that there have been few widespread dangers to public health that are all-encompassing. Fifty-eight percent of Americans feel lonely.

My fellow executive director and I know that we are both leaders. We have something in common, though: We don’t toss around that “leadership” word too often in reference to ourselves. We talk about our team because we both recognize we wouldn’t be leaders without our team. At the end of the day, though, we both know that sometimes the burden rests on us. The research shows that while 58% of Americans feel lonely, a whopping 70% of leaders feel alone.

It’s worth repeating. Seventy percent of leaders feel alone. When people hear the term leaders, they often think of a corporate big wig playing golf in a corner office in a high rise. I can assure you that while my peer and I might have a corner office, there’s no dramatic view, and we’re not spending our days golfing. We’re also sure not raking in the dough. We have a passion for our community, for our mission, and we have a passion for our community.

It’s not easy to build that connection, though. In our work, this boots-on-the-ground style of leadership in the nonprofit world, we’re dealing with such nuanced situations. It takes a book to explain our job, another book to explain the historical context of a situation, and another book to try to explain the dilemma. Add in the fact that most leadership positions in our community are isolated because they might be the only staff member or the only leadership level staff person at their organization — well, it gets complicated. There are ethical considerations as well, such as protecting confidential information and the impossibility of talking about things anonymously.

For 2024, I’m going to do my best to expand on this. Nonprofit leaders need our support. They need our listening ears and our compassion. They need volunteers, donations and recognition of their work. For me, at United Way, that means I need to gather these leaders more often. I need to host round table meetings where we can build relationships with each other. Because I am who I am, that’s probably going to involve doughnuts and hot drinks or maybe an ice cream social this summer. When we build casual, non-threatening relationships with each other, we’ll learn that we can turn to each other when we need a sounding board about more serious matters. It’s about building a leadership community that is celebrated, supported and recognized.

I’m going to focus on the executive directors and program leaders. There are endless opportunities for other leaders to be recognized. What calls to you? Is it our pastors celebrating them all year round, not just for appreciation days? Is it our office managers or our school principals? I challenge you — my community — to find your leaders that you can lift up in 2024. Many of you are already fostering connections, giving of your time and efforts, but I’m asking you to consider how you can deepen those connections. Is it asking to serve on a board of directors even though the idea is scary? Is it embracing a regular commitment to volunteer as a mentor to a young child or committing to extra training for Welcome Pantry registration? Maybe it’s making a commitment to celebrate the leaders — finding out their favorite drinks and snacks or just dropping off a coffee gift card occasionally. Need ideas? I’m happy to brainstorm, and to offer logistical answers on how to execute your mission. Give me a call at 507-373-8670 or email director@unitedwayfc.org

In closing, I’d like to share an excerpt from Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community

“We are called to build a movement to mend the social fabric of our nation. It will take all of us — individuals and families, schools and workplaces, health care and public health systems, technology companies, governments, faith organizations and communities — working together to destigmatize loneliness and change our cultural and policy response to it. It will require reimagining the structures, policies and programs that shape a community to best support the development of healthy relationships. Each of us can start now, in our own lives, by strengthening our connections and relationships. Our individual relationships are an untapped resource — a source of healing hiding in plain sight. They can help us live healthier, more productive and more fulfilled lives. Answer that phone call from a friend. Make time to share a meal. Listen without the distraction of your phone. Perform an act of service. Express yourself authentically. The keys to human connection are simple, but extraordinarily powerful.”

Erin Haag is the executive director of the United Way of Freeborn County.