“So, we’ll just call the new pillows our anniversary gift?” I hesitantly asked my wife as we lamented over our upcoming anniversary. Monday officially marks two years of marriage, and as excited as we are about celebrating, we’re not that interested in anniversary gifts this year. Maybe it’s because we wracked our brains so hard last year and neither of us found the perfect gift for one another. Maybe it’s because you’re supposed to give something cotton on the second anniversary, and we’re more of a polyester family (that’s a lame joke). Or maybe we both just want new pillows for the couch, and following a little research, realized pillows can be way more expensive than you would have thought.

With another year complete, I find myself reflecting back on everything that happened in our second year of marriage. There are highs and lows to every year, but I think it’s safe to say this past year had higher highs and lower lows than our first year together. It was on our anniversary last year when we found out we were pregnant. Just a few weeks later Sera had a miscarriage, and we got a glimpse of what our vows meant when we said, “in good times and bad.” A sadness lingered for months as we grew together through what I hope is our greatest loss.

Though I’m certain our second year will always be remembered as difficult, there were many moments worth celebrating. Sera officially graduated with her master’s degree and started a new job, we purchased our first home, and perhaps most importantly, learned how to exist even more as a team.

When Sera and I were married, we were both fairly independent, responsible people. We didn’t live together until we were married, so we were both very used to doing all of the chores around the house, paying bills and taking care of whatever needed to be done. In our first year, I don’t think we fully capitalized on teamwork in doing household chores. Now, it doesn’t take two people to take out the trash, but it is good to know who really hates doing it. That’s the benefit of the second year of marriage. You’ve hopefully figured which of you despises something more, and the other will lovingly take that task on. I never thought about the unity that comes with marriage in that regard. When Sera and I got married, I fully embraced that we were two people coming together to live on life, but I didn’t necessarily think it would make life easier. More fun, sure, but easier wasn’t on my radar.

For example, I was raised in a house that always had a dishwasher, but my mom always washed the dishes by hand. I still don’t know why she does it that way, but she does. Her habit led me down the same path, and to be honest, it’s still my preference. Yet Sera is a master of the dishwasher and might even find Tetris-level joy in loading it to its maximum capacity while still getting the dishes clean. This was not a trait I was looking for in a spouse, but it makes my life so much easier because it saves so much time.

Year two of marriage really brought home the message that two is better than one. When Sera and I are working together, supporting each other, and dependent on one another, we’re experiencing a whole new level of what marriage can be. I’m hopeful this trend continues to grow with each passing year. For us, the first year of marriage was laying a foundation, the groundwork for our many years to come. Certainly that continues into year two, but it was pleasant to rest on the trust in one another we’ve developed in year two. Maybe that unity wouldn’t be as strong had we not gone through a difficult time. Dependence is so often thought of as a negative way of living, but I’ve never been more thankful of it than during our second year of marriage, and I’m sure Sera would agree. Two is certainly better than one, and I’m hopeful that three will be better than two. After all, we’ll have new pillows.

 

Rochester resident Matt Knutson is the communications and events director for United Way of Olmsted County.