The Nice Advice by Leah Albert

Dear Leah,

I have a stepson who is 16. His time is split between his mother and us. We are trying to instill values, respect, manners, etc., but when it is time for him to go to his mother’s everything goes out the window. 

His mother does not punish his bad behavior. He is very disrespectful to her and does things that are not tolerated at my house. She does not hold him responsible for his actions. She has a lying problem, and he has been lying for years. We punish him at our house for things he does, but when he goes to her he goes back to her lax ways. 

Everything we try to teach him goes away by the time he comes back. His mother’s priorities are set wrong and he is picking it up from her. How will he grow up to be a well-rounded adult if she undoes everything we try to instill? 

I am at a loss. This has been happening for nine years. What do I do when my husband’s ex is toxic for my stepson? My husband agrees with me and we both have no clue how to handle this problem.

Signed, Frustrated Family

 

Dear Family,

The best way to handle this situation is for you and your husband to be role models for your stepson. Show him that honest and respectful behavior leads to better treatment by others. Reinforce those behaviors in him by making sure you comment about them, rather than criticizing him for negative actions.

Keep in mind how difficult it is for your stepson to go back and forth between households with different values and expectations. You have no real control over what his mother does; you and your husband only have control over what you do.

Continue to set positive examples and help your stepson see the benefit of that kind of behavior. Take care!

Leah

 

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.