Archived Story

Humor from the 1994 Profiles edition

Published 9:19am Friday, April 1, 2011

Column: Between the Corn Rows

There was time when the Tribune’s yearly Progress issues were better known with the name of Profiles. To be exact, those Profiles issues were from 1993 to 2005. Anyway, I was recently looking though the 1994 Profiles, dated Feb. 27, and found a page and a half of humorous contributions from students at the local elementary schools 17 years ago. With each of these short jokes, I’ve included the grade or room number.

Now, here are some of those snippets of local humor:

What has 16 wheels and is black and white?

A zebra on roller skates.

What’s gray and has a trunk?

A mouse on vacation.

Breanna Miller

Sibley, Room 119

One day a duck went to a drugstore and asked for some lip balm.

The druggist said. “That will be $1.50. Would you like to pay by cash or charge?”

The duck replied, “Just put it on my bill,”

Trevor Abrego

Sibley, Grade 2

What kind of cat shouldn’t you play checkers with?

A cheetah.

Megan Cambern

Lakeview, Room 117

Why do skeletons hate winter?

The cold goes right through them.

Rachel Elveback

Lakeview, Grade 3

What did one tonsil say to the other?

Better get ready, the doctor is taking us out tonight.

Dustin Lynch

Halverson, Grade 3

Why is the bride always out of luck on her wedding day?

Because she never marries the best man.

My girlfriend’s name should be cannon

Why?

Because she thinks she’s a big shot.

Brett Haase

Halverson, Grade 3

Why is the sun the smartest star?

Because it’s so bright.

Dawn Christensen

Hawthorne, Grade 3

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Little old lady

Little old lady, who?

I didn’t know you could yodel.

Who leaps into tall buildings with a single bound?

Stupid man.

How can you tell a baby snake?

By its rattle.

Justin Jean

Hawthorne, Grade 3

What did one wall say to the other?

I’ll meet you at the corner.

Jeremiah Jensen

Lakeview, Grade 3

The last joke reminds me of the recent television commercial based on an encounter between a rabbit and a rattlesnake What could have been a deadly meeting evolved into a humorous spectacle when the snake shook the baby rattle attached to the end of his tail.

Now here’s one television commercial so entertaining that I still don’t know the identity of its sponsor.

Ed Shannon’s column has been appearing in the Tribune every Friday since December 1984.